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Author Topic: Muffy Gets Real  (Read 2142 times)

A Lotta Moms

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Muffy Gets Real
« on: December 01, 2013, 11:58:28 pm »
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Ridicus

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2013, 11:30:01 am »
That is possibly the most frightening creepy thing I've seen in my life.
Kinda tastes like chicken

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2013, 03:06:46 pm »
It's a sight to behold.
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Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2013, 10:13:03 pm »
My eyes...
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2013, 07:41:20 pm »
Reality hurts, doesn't it?
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Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2013, 08:08:53 pm »
Yes, it does... that's why I still haven't talked on the show in 17 years.
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 08:25:12 pm »
I always suspected a traumatic childhood had something to do with it.
Something too horrible to delve into on the air.
A dreadful secret hidden far away, buried deep in the earth beneath the floorboards and behind the stairs of Marc Brown's wine cellar...
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Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2013, 09:32:07 pm »
Marc Brown had nothing to do with it, but yes, it has caused me a lot of trauma, and I'm still haunted by it to this day. Everyday, I go to bed, cry myself to sleep, and wonder why I had to be molested at Muffy's pool party. I'm afraid to talk to anybody, because I'm scared it'll happen again.

I also feel sorry for Ladonna's little brother, always being harassed to take off his hat.
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2013, 11:11:21 pm »
I always knew that Bailey was up to no good.  All the years of servitude, repression and humiliation have bred a viper.
It may have been Bailey's hands that wrought this atrocity...but Muffy herself was monster's maker.

I fear that given the Crosswires' wealth and political influence, Bailey is beyond the reach of the police and courts.
The only solution is to ensnare the viper in his own trap.

Sue Ellen will be the bait.  Make sure she is at Muffy's next pool party, and leave her unattended with Bailey the beast.
He will surely make his move, and receive a fatal karate chop to the jugular.

Bailey will be dead, Maria will be avenged, Sue Ellen will be acquitted on self-defense grounds, the truth will be known and the children of Elwood City will be safe once more.*

*If you don't count the horror that is Harry Mills.  But that, my friends, is another story.
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Magnezonomon

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2013, 03:41:12 am »
Yes, it does... that's why I still haven't talked on the show in 17 years.
I always suspected a traumatic childhood had something to do with it.
Something too horrible to delve into on the air.
I have a better idea. Have you heard of the story of the Little Mermaid? The mermaid gives up her beautiful voice in exchange for becoming a human so she can live on land with the prince whose life she had saved. The prince falls in love with another girl whom he mistakenly believes had saved him that day, but because the mermaid cannot speak, she cannot tell the prince it was her all along. (No spoilers, but the Disney movie hijacks the ending. I prefer the original book.)

Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2013, 11:39:45 am »
Oh, please... don't... don't do anything like that, please? I really don't want to start up any kind of trouble for anybody. Besides... it's my own fault it happened. He told me so.

I think I should really fade back into the background before anything else happens... I'm sorry everyone...
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2013, 02:55:43 pm »
Quote
Oh, please... don't... don't do anything like that, please? I really don't want to start up any kind of trouble for anybody. Besides... it's my own fault it happened. He told me so.

But the plans are already in motion!  Why, George has already started carving a wooden plaque to mount Bailey's head on.  We're planning on presenting it to Maria once the job is finished. 

We're getting together to make things better...by working together. 

Quote
I have a better idea. Have you heard of the story of the Little Mermaid? The mermaid gives up her beautiful voice in exchange for becoming a human so she can live on land with the prince whose life she had saved.

If that's the case, it would definitely explain a lot of things.  Like Maria's very long dress, which conveniently covers up her mermaid tail.  Or the fact that her socks are so soggy and wet-looking all the time.  It looks like poor Alex will never know the truth about who saved him from drowning at Muffy's pool party. 

Quote
(No spoilers, but the Disney movie hijacks the ending. I prefer the original book.)

Alas, it's not the first fairy tale ending Disney's hijacked and whitewashed.  The funny thing is that even Andersen's Little Mermaid was itself a toned-down version is even more tragic and gruesome story:

http://www.beautiful-mermaid-art.com/undine-myth.html

Fantasy hurts, doesn't it?
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Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2013, 04:35:11 pm »
But... but, what if it doesn't work? What if something goes wrong, and Bailey escapes? He may do it to me again for tattling on him... or, he even said he may do something worse... I don't know what he means by that, but... I'm so scared.
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!

A Lotta Moms

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2013, 07:07:55 pm »
Fear not!  If he tries to run,  she'll simply transform him into a giant, honking goose with her spiraling gaze.  Any way you look at it, his goose is cooked.

But even if he does manage to escape the Throat Jab of Death, we'll just tell Alex the truth about what happened.  He'll fly into T-Rex mode, and nothing will be left of Bailey but hair, teeth, and a chauffeur's cap.

And besides, just think of how heartbroken poor George would be if he learned that all of his hard work and craftsmanship on the elaborate head-mount was for naught.  Why, he's even started to apply the varnish and sharpen his taxidermy tools. 

We've passed the point of no return.
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Snowth Woogle

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Re: Muffy Gets Real
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2013, 07:45:25 pm »
Oh wow.
I stretch like a snake, and I shimmy and shake, and I bounce like a ball, and I say something cute when you give me a squeeze!